For this reason a man shall leave his father and Mother


The following comes from many hours of counseling, married and single couples, the methods outlined here "work in real life, it is therefore not intended as a discussion based on theoretical opinions.


In life there are many teaching and training courses for all kinds of subjects, but isn't it amazing that a how to be married course'is not

included as one of them?


We expect couples to get married and live happily ever after, with stars in their eyes.


The whole thing is to be based upon some sort of Hollywood myth of falling

'in love' and that love being able to carry the couple for the rest of their lives.


Yet the divorce rate all over the world is climbing ever higher, with each year that passes.

Something needs to change because what we are doing at present, with regard to marriage is not working.


Most problems in relationships  and in particular marriage, are caused by either a lack of communication, or a lack of understanding about the how to of communication


Learning the How to of communication the first thing to understand is that there are two basic levels of communication


1st and second levels.


The first level is very superficial and consists of pleasantries such as 'Hi how  was your day', 'Have you  been to?...' 'Didyou remember to get?...', 'Where are my?...', 'What is for dinner?...'


It is not relating to one another, it is merely exchanging information,usually accompanied by gainsaying

(who can get the last word in and one upmanship)


Amongst this first level are the killer topics, such

as financial matters,likes and dislikes of each

other and dissatisfaction with each others behaviour.


An inability to relate at this first basic level leads to the following stages of distancing and separation


Stage 1.

Indifference toward each other


Stage 2.

Strong dislike of each others behaviour


Stage 3.

Violence, physical or mental


Stage 4.

A final and total breakdown in communication


Stage 5.

An end to the marriage, with all the


accompanying traumatic heart,lifelong rejection

and mental and  emotional scarring


To reverse this we must begin to understand that the first level of communication, does not build relationship, let alone any kind of intimacy